There are many times in my ministry life when I’ve felt completely alone. My own journal entries from times of struggle reflect this sentiment. To illustrate this, read these excerpts from my reflection on an earlier time in my ministry call:
My extreme busy-ness has often crowded out self-reflection—we’ve worked so hard these last few years that I may have lost sight of my own personal spiritual health. New building construction, family life, church and community expectations, and cultural shifts have simply pushed me to the breaking point.
I needed deeper connections but, perhaps out of an irrational fear, I have not taken the opportunity to build deep personal roots with other people or church members. That’s on me. I’ve been too selfish and self-focused during my time at First Church, usually to the detriment of Suzy and the kids. Maybe this has been a survival and self-preservation instinct, but that doesn’t justify it.
I remain greatly influenced by my upbringing in Germantown. I am disillusioned with materialism and maintaining a “perfect” presentation all the time. I’ve listened too much to critical voices, both inside my mind and inside the church. I’ve allowed legalistic and paternalistic thinking to invade my spiritual walk. Frankly, I feel trapped in a world of my own making.
To be clear, we allow ourselves to feel this way. I allowed myself to wallow in the muck of my own depression and major on the minor imperfections of an otherwise wonderful life. But there’s something to be said for the psychological and spiritual strain that picture-perfect ministry expectations can produce in our fragile human minds and bodies.
In his 2025 Disruptive Church Trends Report, Carey Nieuwhof outlines the growing mental health crisis affecting American church leaders. As recently as 2023, about a third of all pastors have given serious thought to quitting full-time ministry. And just 19% of pastors have a peer network of other pastors they can lean on for support. Worse still, only 7% of church leaders under the age of 45 say they’re flourishing. These statistics are not good.
All of this resonates with the bigger cultural conversation we’ve having about the loneliness epidemic, anti-socialization tendencies and increasing isolation felt by a growing number of Americans. A recent survey by the Harvard School of Education reports that 21% percent of adults have had “serious feelings of loneliness.” Among people ages 18-29 the rate was 24% and among those ages 30-44 the rate was 29%.
Being a pastor can feel like the loneliest job (and calling) in the world. Part of that feeling is the nature of vocational or bi-vocational ministry service—giving freely of yourself to advance the church and help others, sometimes at great personal cost.
It’s true that finding friends and confidantes in ministry can be difficult. Pastors often feel they’re in an isolated place when the reality is something different. We don’t share with other church members because we worry they won’t understand or because we’re concerned with confidentiality. Often, we just don’t want to be vulnerable with someone else.
One of the great ministry lessons I’ve learned is just how essential it is to find relational relief valves with people both inside and outside the church ministry bubble. I am so thankful to have found those godly people in my current walk. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel alone quite so much anymore.
But for those in the throes of difficult church assignments, hardened hearts and minds, financial hardship, and general isolation, loneliness is a real thing.
As a church leader, what can you do to fight isolation? Beyond godly counseling and a total reliance on the Lord for every step you take, let me offer some starting points that stand the test of time over three decades of ministry service:
So what’s the Big Idea?
Recharge your soul and fight the isolation you feel with intentional steps to seek the Lord, build deep relational connections, establish peer support networks with other pastors, and secure a mentor-coach for accountability.
Resources
Sources
“5 Disruptive Church Trends That Will Rule 2025” by Carey Nieuwhof (Carey Nieuwhof Communications, 2025) 13-15.
“What Is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?” by Elizabeth M. Ross, Harvard Graduate School of Education (October 25, 2024), https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/24/10/what-causing-our-epidemic-loneliness-and-how-can-we-fix-it.
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