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Pastor, You’re Not Alone

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Pastor, You’re Not Alone



There are many times in my ministry life when I’ve felt completely alone. My own journal entries from times of struggle reflect this sentiment. To illustrate this, read these excerpts from my reflection on an earlier time in my ministry call: 

My extreme busy-ness has often crowded out self-reflection—we’ve worked so hard these last few years that I may have lost sight of my own personal spiritual health. New building construction, family life, church and community expectations, and cultural shifts have simply pushed me to the breaking point.

I needed deeper connections but, perhaps out of an irrational fear, I have not taken the opportunity to build deep personal roots with other people or church members. That’s on me. I’ve been too selfish and self-focused during my time at First Church, usually to the detriment of Suzy and the kids. Maybe this has been a survival and self-preservation instinct, but that doesn’t justify it.

I remain greatly influenced by my upbringing in Germantown. I am disillusioned with materialism and maintaining a “perfect” presentation all the time. I’ve listened too much to critical voices, both inside my mind and inside the church. I’ve allowed legalistic and paternalistic thinking to invade my spiritual walk. Frankly, I feel trapped in a world of my own making.

To be clear, we allow ourselves to feel this way. I allowed myself to wallow in the muck of my own depression and major on the minor imperfections of an otherwise wonderful life. But there’s something to be said for the psychological and spiritual strain that picture-perfect ministry expectations can produce in our fragile human minds and bodies.

In his 2025 Disruptive Church Trends Report, Carey Nieuwhof outlines the growing mental health crisis affecting American church leaders. As recently as 2023, about a third of all pastors have given serious thought to quitting full-time ministry. And just 19% of pastors have a peer network of other pastors they can lean on for support. Worse still, only 7% of church leaders under the age of 45 say they’re flourishing. These statistics are not good.

All of this resonates with the bigger cultural conversation we’ve having about the loneliness epidemic, anti-socialization tendencies and increasing isolation felt by a growing number of Americans. A recent survey by the Harvard School of Education reports that 21% percent of adults have had “serious feelings of loneliness.” Among people ages 18-29 the rate was 24% and among those ages 30-44 the rate was 29%.

Being a pastor can feel like the loneliest job (and calling) in the world. Part of that feeling is the nature of vocational or bi-vocational ministry service—giving freely of yourself to advance the church and help others, sometimes at great personal cost.

It’s true that finding friends and confidantes in ministry can be difficult. Pastors often feel they’re in an isolated place when the reality is something different. We don’t share with other church members because we worry they won’t understand or because we’re concerned with confidentiality. Often, we just don’t want to be vulnerable with someone else.

One of the great ministry lessons I’ve learned is just how essential it is to find relational relief valves with people both inside and outside the church ministry bubble. I am so thankful to have found those godly people in my current walk. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel alone quite so much anymore.

But for those in the throes of difficult church assignments, hardened hearts and minds, financial hardship, and general isolation, loneliness is a real thing.

As a church leader, what can you do to fight isolation? Beyond godly counseling and a total reliance on the Lord for every step you take, let me offer some starting points that stand the test of time over three decades of ministry service:

  • Seek the Lord. Among church leaders, processing and coping with ministry stress begins with a regular quiet time and active meditation on the Word. Practice daily reliance on the Lord.
    “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” – Proverbs 2:6 (NIV)
  • Find a Friend. Church leaders need friendships and confidences that provide the relational relief valves described above. Combat isolation with godly, grace-filled relationships.
    “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)
  • Network with other Pastors. When you have a robust support network with other church leaders you know that you’re not alone. Seek out training events, associational activities, ministry development conferences and regular interaction with other pastors to build your network and offer support to others.
    “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)
  • Secure a Mentor-Coach. Ongoing personal and leadership growth requires accountability and an action plan with measurable goals. Don’t minimize the significant role a mentor or coach can play in both your private life and public ministry.
    “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

So what’s the Big Idea?

Recharge your soul and fight the isolation you feel with intentional steps to seek the Lord, build deep relational connections, establish peer support networks with other pastors, and secure a mentor-coach for accountability.

Resources

Sources

“5 Disruptive Church Trends That Will Rule 2025” by Carey Nieuwhof (Carey Nieuwhof Communications, 2025) 13-15.

“What Is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?” by Elizabeth M. Ross, Harvard Graduate School of Education (October 25, 2024), https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/24/10/what-causing-our-epidemic-loneliness-and-how-can-we-fix-it.

5 Ways to Reduce Ministry Lawsuit Risk

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5 Ways to Reduce Ministry Lawsuit Risk



Churches have generally avoided legal entanglements for most of my life, but that’s changing. Over the last decade, we’ve seen major religious liberty litigation, ministry and denominational sexual abuse cases, ministry-employee rights disagreements and more. It’s clear that ministry lawsuit risk is increasing, so what are we to do?

While this article doesn’t constitute legal advice, it does offer some ideas for managing risk and navigating an increasingly litigious cultural landscape.

How do you reduce ministry lawsuit risk? Consider these five ideas:

  1. Implement a robust abuse prevention plan.
  2. Take steps to limit liability and personal injury lawsuits.
  3. Prepare for insurance coverage disputes.
  4. Define facility use policies for events, weddings and funerals.
  5. Clarify and clean up your governing documents.

Idea #1: Implement a robust abuse prevention plan. Effective abuse prevention plans include background checks, adequate screening, automatic exclusions for ineligible workers, child protection policies, security procedures, and prompt incident reporting. Recognize and communicate that church leaders and ministry volunteers are state-mandated reporters of child abuse and neglect. Most state laws require mandated reporters to make reports immediately upon learning of child abuse or neglect.

Every church should have a child protection policy with robust abuse prevention rules and a clear reporting process for any suspected abuse or inappropriate volunteer behavior. Volunteers should be thoroughly vetted with background checks, references, staff leader observation and personal interviews. Any prospective volunteer with preschoolers, children or students should be considered for service only after a defined waiting period (usually six months to one year).

Idea #2: Take steps to limit liability and personal injury lawsuits. It’s important to recognize that lawsuits can occur at any time and for any reason. Steps that limit liability or mitigate risk, such as waivers of liability, are a means for minimizing risk and deterring potential lawsuits.

In the event of an accident, administer first aid, call 9-1-1 and ensure the injured party receives quality care. Ensure the comfort of the injured party and communicate the church’s desire to care for personal, spiritual and physical needs. File a Medical Payments Coverage (MedPay) claim with the church’s insurance company and communicate regularly with the injured party to convey the church’s goodwill and ensure prompt resolution of their claim. Finally, work in good faith for the injured party’s good health and personal restoration.

While there is no way to prevent every lawsuit or assess and mitigate all risk, regular safety inspections and risk assessments are an important tool for encouraging safety, preventing accidents and mitigating personal injury claims. Most insurance companies offer or mandate safety assessments via their own Insurance Inspectors. Churches can also conduct regular self-inspections for an added layer of protection.

Idea #3: Prepare for insurance coverage disputes. The insurance environment is already difficult in light of rising premiums, limited insurance options and reduced coverage, but the most challenging development is the rise of denied claims (either in part or in full). It is important to fully understand the policy provisions, limits, deductibles and exclusions for your church’s property insurance coverage.

Recognize that an insurance policy is an agreement between the church and its carrier to provide certain levels of coverage for an annual premium. Both parties have responsibilities in this arrangement, and both parties have an interest in the amicable resolution of any disputed claim. Steady negotiation between the church and the insurance carrier can yield a positive result in many situations. In the event a suitable resolution cannot be completed, the church can seek relief for a denied claim in the courts.

Idea #4: Define facility use policies for events, weddings and funerals. At the core, church facilities are for Christ-centered purposes and reflect the church’s desire to be good neighbors in its community. As such, facility use policies for any event, wedding or funeral imposes limits on the use of church facilities. Any activity must conform to the church’s adopted policies and doctrinal beliefs. For clarity, a summary statement of faith is included in these policies to remove any ambiguity about the church’s doctrinal positions.

Wedding policies and funeral policies require additional clarification:

  • Definition of Marriage – Churches must define biblical marriage and clarify what marriages may be conducted on church property and be performed by the church’s ministers and pastors. Position papers and executive summaries of the church’s doctrinal and theological perspective and policy on marriage and divorce can be a useful exercise here.
  • Wedding Handbook – Key components of a Wedding Handbook include the church’s definition of marriage, statement of faith, guidelines for officiants and ministerial participation, wedding logistics and direction, scheduling, fees and available venues, rules of decorating and other details.
  • Funerals – Churches should detail how and when funeral and memorial services will be conducted on church property and conducted by the church’s ministers and pastors. Well-written policies offer legal protection from potential lawsuits seeking damages for policy or doctrinal positions unevenly applied to both members and non-members. Once again, this illustrates the importance of a clear definition of the responsibilities and requirements of church membership.

Idea #5: Clarify and clean up your governing documents. If your church is operating in ways that don’t match your governing documents, then you’re at increased risk for litigation, controversy and conflict. The solution is to amend these documents to match current practice and the functional ways the church operates currently.

In addition to operational clarity in church constitutions and bylaws, additional legal protection in five key areas should be considered:

  • Marriage & Sexuality – Churches need a Biblical definition of marriage in their bylaws. This protects the church in the event an employee engages in an unbiblical sexual relationship or if an unmarried couple seeks to participate in events designed for married couples.
  • Biblical Authority – Legal challenges to church policies or bylaws may require a ruling on the interpretation of Scripture. Defining a governing body or group as the church’s sole authoritative interpreter of Scripture specifies how this will occur should a dispute or legal challenge arise.
  • Membership Definition – Develop a clear definition of a member in good standing. Clarify that full agreement with the church’s statement of faith is a pre-requisite for church membership.
  • Member Discipline Procedure – Since we are a fallen people living in a fallen world, situations will arise requiring church discipline. Outline the process and forum where these delicate and sometimes difficult conversations will occur.
  • Procedure for Rescinding Membership – Define the bylaw-defined group that will make an official determination on rescinding member status for an individual.

So what’s the Big Idea?

Take proactive steps to minimize your church’s lawsuit risk. What you do now can mitigate liability exposure and unnecessary litigation in the key areas of abuse prevention, personal injury, insurance coverage, facility use and your governing documents.

Resources

Source

“Five Things All Churches Should Have in Their Bylaws” by Alliance Defending Freedom (July 16, 2014).

One Fund for One Mission

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One Fund for One Mission



The conventional approach for church fundraising is to finance essential operating expenses with a regular budget and collect special offerings for missions and large capital expenditures. Add to that mix special needs that arise throughout the year and many churches respond with additional love offerings for special causes and situations.

We might describe this model as the Multiple Offerings Approach. It provides a variety of focused opportunities to respond to stewardship messaging. This often means offerings for the church budget (understood and expressed as a biblical tithe or 10% of income), missions, benevolence, capital projects, and special love offerings.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this traditional giving approach, many church leaders recognize that cultural and generational shifts are changing the nature of charitable giving across the United States. Here’s a quick summary of just a few of these culture shifts:

  • Offering Fatigue — Too many offerings on top of the expected regular budget offering (tithe) may dilute the significance of the primary ask: Obedience to God by giving the first fruits of your own personal harvest.
  • Vision Confusion — Vision clarity for younger generations means framing the entirety of the church’s missional work—staffing, facilities and ministries, as well as local, state, national and international missions—as the essential working out of the Great Commission.
  • Denominational Decline — As denominational loyalty wanes and institutional trust erodes, it’s clear that giving at national and state convention levels will be affected.
  • Economic Dislocation — While many families will continue to have the capacity to give sacrificially, many others will not due to economic disruption, higher levels of debt, and a mixture of higher fixed expenses and lower disposable income.
  • Large Giver Shift — Many historically large givers are “passing the torch” to sons, daughters and spouses who may not share the same zeal for and spiritual commitment to the church and its vision.

Enter the One Fund Strategy—an approach designed to simplify and unify giving by connecting a new generation of givers with the full scope of the gospel task. This significant strategy adjustment to one unified offering has three objectives:

  1. Unify church financial needs with…
    • One Ask.
    • One Commitment.
    • One Mission and Vision.
  2. Grow overall levels of giving permanently.
  3. Build a sustainable future giving base.

It’s been said that money follows vision. Tellingly, that statement is both an aspirational goal for messaging and a clear reality about the motivations people have for giving. It’s also the rationale for collecting the entirety of the church’s funding needs in one place to present a unified vision of its collective gospel impact.

The practical implication is that all of it works together to accomplish the Great Commission, even mundane things like utilities, insurance, administration, staffing and facilities.

Most One Funds are presented with a 2-year timeframe and ask for a corresponding commitment to tithe and give above and beyond. In this way, a One Fund resembles multi-year capital campaign commitments. The difference is that the church’s full missional objectives—traditional budget, special missions and capital projects—are part of the commitment.

So what’s the Big Idea?

Consider how the pace of change among our churches and broader culture is impacting charitable giving across the United States. Perhaps a One Fund Strategy is the answer. It’s an approach designed to simplify and unify giving by connecting a new generation of givers with the full scope of the gospel task.

Resources

Avoid a Cascading Ministry Failure

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Avoid a Cascading Ministry Failure



Smithsonian Channel’s “Air Disasters” is must-watch TV in my home. The catastrophic incidents in aviation history are presented with reenactments, survivor interviews and cockpit recordings. But what’s particularly interesting are the insights that show what went wrong and whether or not the crashes could have been prevented.

Accidents sometimes occur after a series of unforeseen or unintended events create the conditions where flight systems, pilot training, safety protocols or mechanical parts fail. And very often, one failure is compounded by another and another producing what’s known as a failure cascade.

A cascading failure is “a failure in a system of interconnected parts in which the failure of one or few parts leads to the failure of other parts,” growing progressively with self-reinforcing momentum. One part of the network fails which triggers a flood of other breakdowns and failures. Then, each new problem gets magnified and grows exponentially as more pieces of the system fail.

Cascading failures in ministry often build for years under the surface and then emerge in some major event that produces a series of stumbles, missed opportunities and downside momentum. It could be caused by the unhealthy exit of a key leader, poor team culture, a difficult or changing community context, church conflict or a creeping sense of apathy and entitlement in the congregation.

When a church strings together a series of these challenging events, the danger of cascading ministry failures increases. And while churches and leaders bear some responsibility for this, it’s often true that unrelated and unforeseen situations come together to create the conditions for a prolonged breakdown.

And while the failure cascade is one possibility, that doesn’t mean it’s inevitable. What do leaders and churches do to stay centered on growth, spirit sensitivity and the Great Commission? They have:

  • Clear Vision — They focus on Christ-centered, missional objectives above everything else.
  • Personal Spiritual Discipline — Leaders who prioritize a heart connection with Jesus are less likely to experience spiritual drift and leadership insecurity.
  • Organizational Spiritual Discipline — A church with biblical preaching, teaching and doctrine will usually have strategies and action plans with gospel impact. Those congregations aren’t prone to complacency or lukewarmness.
  • A Heart for Discipleship — When a church makes disciples who make disciples, it builds the DNA of multiplication into its identity. That’s the very definition of a growth mindset.
  • Intentional Leadership — Leaders who watch for the signs of mission drift and sideways energy spent on second-tier distractions are a key guardrail for the small stumbles that lead to bigger issues.
  • Hyper Contextual Ministry — A focus on reaching its community keeps a church centered on the gospel imperative. Thom Rainer says it this way: “When a church ceases to have a heart and ministry for its community, it is on the path toward death.”
  • Effective Ministry Execution — Intentional ministry, solid planning and resource allocation ensure that what the church does matches what it says about the gospel. Growing churches don’t leave these decisions to chance.

So what’s the Big Idea?

Avoid a cascading ministry failure with a growth mindset centered on the Great Commission. Missional leaders and churches have clear vision, spiritual discipline, a heart for discipleship, intentional leadership, hyper contextual ministry and effective ministry execution.   

Resources


Sources

“Cascading Failure,” Accessed April 8, 2025, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cascading_failure.

Thom S. Rainer, Autopsy of a Deceased Church: 12 Ways to Keep Yours Alive (Nashville: B&H Books, 2014), 28.

Ministry Command and Control

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Ministry Command and Control



There’s inherent tension between leaders and followers in any congregational church. Because effective leaders usually have a strong sense of vision and values for accomplishing the church’s missional objectives, and some members and leaders desire a voice in those same objectives, there’s bound to be healthy push and pull.

Victor Lipman says it this way:

The qualities commonly associated with management and leadership—being authoritative, decisive, forceful, perhaps somewhat controlling—if not moderated by a high degree of awareness as to how one comes across and is perceived by others, are also qualities that have the potential to easily alienate those on the receiving end. Most people chafe under too much authority, too much forcefulness, too much control.

Lipman was describing what teams and employees feel in a business setting, but he just as easily could have been describing what happens in your local church.

Most churches (and church members) value decisive and forceful pastoral leadership. The expectation for bold proclamation, scriptural truth and spiritual leadership are held high in our tradition, while other values may seem less important. But that doesn’t mean pastoral leadership is, or should ever be, one-sided.

The forces of collaboration—working with others, listening, making adjustments, compromises, introspection and self-understanding—multiply your capacity to lead and make you a more effective manager, communicator and pastor.

There are three categories of commanding (and collaborating) leader:

  • The Over Commander – The leader who tends to overdirect and neglect the value of team cooperation and discussion (The “CEO” Pastor).
  • The Over Collaborator – The leader who tends to prioritize collaboration over almost all forms of direct leadership (The Indecisive Pastor).
  • The Self-Aware Commander and Collaborator – The leader who recognizes the need for both command and collaboration moments depending on context and need (Our Aspirational Goal as Pastors).

People desire strong, spiritual leadership in most churches. But any leader worthy of his high calling as Pastor recognizes the need for collaborative thinking and consensus building. So how do you strike a balance between commanding and collaborating?

For churches, consider a few best practices:

  • Build trust with strong, biblical, spiritual leadership.
  • Model a culture of mutual respect between pastoral staff and volunteer leaders.
  • Create defined roles for leadership teams and committees.
  • Communicate regularly with church leaders.
  • Build a structured process for collaboration and decision making (usually regular meetings).
  • Commit your planning, organization and vision documents to a written plan.

For pastors and leaders, learn to moderate your command-and-control instincts:

  • Listen to your team and your church.
  • Ask questions.
  • Seek common ground and build consensus.
  • Demonstrate a willingness to make adjustments.
  • Collaborate with intentionality.
  • Command with humility.
  • Measure your words and commands.

So what’s the Big Idea?

Navigate the tension between command and control vs. leadership collaboration and participation. Hold high the aspirational goal of a leader who recognizes the need for both command and collaboration moments depending on context and need.

Resources


Source

“Why Are So Many Employees Disengaged” by Victor Lipman, Forbes (January 18, 2013), http://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2013/01/18/why-are-so-many-employees-disengaged/.

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